SPONTANEITY (a very good thing!)
mck had a dental appt on the westside and our dear friends were down from fresno. they headed out with us to marina del rey and we spent the day with our friends having lunch, riding scooters, talking, playing, and having a most wonderful time.
while at burton chace park [a place that is filled with memories for our family with Brian, also the harbor there his burial place], ian found such pleasure in running up and down the hill. oh, how i love that little boy! he kept asking, "mommy, can i do it again?" over and over, up and down. and wouldn't you know, a bee was 'playing' right in front of me, hiding in the grass as he was running. Brian is with us. he is watching. i wish he were physically here and that ian would know him, but i guess ian will know his daddy through me and the rest of the family, the stories we tell.
so how was i spontaneous? i let my girls go with our fresno friends to sleep over in their hotel room and then off to disneyland tomorrow. what a blessing my friend and this sleepover has been. i needed the break and didn't even know it. God is so good... he knows exactly what i need and when!
Showing posts with label bees. Show all posts
Showing posts with label bees. Show all posts
Tuesday, April 12, 2011
Sunday, August 8, 2010
a sunflower garden & three bees
this photo is of ian sitting beneath a trellis that Brian built that now graces the children's garden at our church, flanked on either side by some mammoth sunflowers.
while shooting the garden pics, i caught site of three bees on one of the sunflowers. this brought joy to my heart. if you want to know why [if you don't already], search my blogpost on "the significance of bees".
I AM SMILING TODAY!
while shooting the garden pics, i caught site of three bees on one of the sunflowers. this brought joy to my heart. if you want to know why [if you don't already], search my blogpost on "the significance of bees".
I AM SMILING TODAY!
Sunday, February 14, 2010
Bees on the beach
the girls and i have often wondered why there are bees washed up the beach. i found this web article and it makes sense:
http://www.susanscott.net/Oceanwatch2002/jun14-02.html
and even more symbolic: those bees on the boat were "going home"!
http://www.susanscott.net/Oceanwatch2002/jun14-02.html
and even more symbolic: those bees on the boat were "going home"!
Friday, January 22, 2010
irony
we had dinner with a new friend and her family tonight. kind of ironic that her name means "bee". there is strange yet divine comfort in these associations with people who are somehow related to bees. another irony: her husband used to be a beekeeper. HA HA HA! i love it!
God has a way of showing me safe people to be and share with. and i did share. and it was difficult. but i sensed love in the hearing of the story thanks to a victorious and loving God with mercies that are new every morning as they are revealed.
thank you, dear friends, who look on and feel love in your hearts for us.
God has a way of showing me safe people to be and share with. and i did share. and it was difficult. but i sensed love in the hearing of the story thanks to a victorious and loving God with mercies that are new every morning as they are revealed.
thank you, dear friends, who look on and feel love in your hearts for us.
Tuesday, December 22, 2009
a thoughtful gift
this little guy was a gift from a very dear friend who saw it in the store and was 'absolutely compelled' to buy it for me. [she told the friend that was with her about the significance of it and her friend said, "if you don't buy that for her, i'll be mad at you!"]. ironically, there were 3 of these little guys on the tree at the store and this was the only one that wasn't chipped.
this scuba diving bee [who would think to ever make such a thing?!] hangs in the kitchen, watching over our culinary practices. i love it... such a sweet reminder and a little 'guardian' in this Life After.
*if you are reading this and confused, read the post 'the significance of bees'.
Friday, November 13, 2009
today
tired.
depressed... really. i wanted to sleep all day but the funny thing is, kids just don't let you do that.
thought about Brian A LOT today.
in an attempt to just get out of the house, we went to the Pilgrim Place Festival, a great craft fair that raises money for retired missionaries. we went there last year with B and reminisced over the memories. Av got her face painted and was a bumblebee...
she was on the hunt for bees all day long -- crafts, novelty items, you name it. McK was just into collecting rocks, eating cotton candy, making swiggles [melted crayon art] and doing the infamous glue-in [plastics/wood scrap/corks/etc. that we would all consider trash are saved all year by the seniors there and then put out in a special area for all the kids to glue to cardboard pieces in an attempt to do art.] the girls got to hang out with some special friends too and that was nice for them.
tonight had dinner with Paul & Kieva and their boys discussing a variety of things... good, thought provoking conversation.
i miss you, Brian. i love you. i wish you were here. there are so many things i want to share and discuss with you. i guess i need to give myself a day at the beach and just talk, write, cry. Life After is tough....
and in addition to all that, i feel like i am getting sick. phht.
depressed... really. i wanted to sleep all day but the funny thing is, kids just don't let you do that.
thought about Brian A LOT today.
in an attempt to just get out of the house, we went to the Pilgrim Place Festival, a great craft fair that raises money for retired missionaries. we went there last year with B and reminisced over the memories. Av got her face painted and was a bumblebee...
she was on the hunt for bees all day long -- crafts, novelty items, you name it. McK was just into collecting rocks, eating cotton candy, making swiggles [melted crayon art] and doing the infamous glue-in [plastics/wood scrap/corks/etc. that we would all consider trash are saved all year by the seniors there and then put out in a special area for all the kids to glue to cardboard pieces in an attempt to do art.] the girls got to hang out with some special friends too and that was nice for them.
tonight had dinner with Paul & Kieva and their boys discussing a variety of things... good, thought provoking conversation.
i miss you, Brian. i love you. i wish you were here. there are so many things i want to share and discuss with you. i guess i need to give myself a day at the beach and just talk, write, cry. Life After is tough....
and in addition to all that, i feel like i am getting sick. phht.
Thursday, November 12, 2009
mystery solved!
i was wondering where the black and yellow striped sweatshirt came from....
our friend JD gave it to Brian one of the last times he saw him... Brian said he liked it so JD gave it to him..
a friend indeed....
our friend JD gave it to Brian one of the last times he saw him... Brian said he liked it so JD gave it to him..
a friend indeed....
Monday, November 9, 2009
who would've thought....
...that:
Life After.
- a box of bills would make me cry?
- seeing a bee today would comfort me?
- my son would repeat the word "beach" every time we get in the car to go somewhere? [he is his father's son, after all]
- people would actually want to trade places with me?
- a friend dear to Brian's heart would actually want to go to church?
- Brian's long ago friends would ever contact me?
- two months could have passed by but feels like time is standing still?
Life After.
Friday, November 6, 2009
Ventura
today we went to the beach. drove up to Ventura and had a great time hanging out on the beach all day. we just needed to spend that time together, with God, with Brian. the following photos and videos should tell it all:
mck on the zipline -- coolest thing ever at a park/the beach!
the girls @ the beach
the girls @ the beach
we found a baby eel!
no... really!
ian...
...& his footprint
watch the following video. this is my first attempt at a meaningful memorial....
this was a little eerie, but comforting at the same time.
"miss me? no. remember me. it's better for me where i am. i love you."
this was confirmed by the fact that we found a lone bee, covered with sand, weighted down by the water on its wings, struggling to get to the ocean. the symbolism...
then i created this little video; it really surprised me and came out sweet...
she misses her daddy so much... they all do.
it was a good day for grieving.
remembering.
living.
loving.
Sunday, November 1, 2009
halloween - 31.october
remember the significance of bees? well, i was Z Queen B for halloween. complete with antennae, crown, wings, and stinger. here's a little photo of me i took on my phone...
so, evidently brian acquired this sweatshirt sometime in the last 2 weeks prior to his passing. it's a very bright yellow and black stripe. the girls and i ventured to walmart and they found this lapel pin:
so needless to say, the costume just came together. it was fun to dress up with my girls and in remembrance of Brian.
we went t or t-ing in Pomona -- in the old historic neighborhood where we used to live and where i grew up having every holiday because my aunt and uncle lived there. i was in the mood for a bit of nostalgia and being with good friends. though the crowds were much larger than i remember them [we're talking like 1,000 people roaming the streets and sidewalks of this great neighborhood, lines of people and kids 20 deep?] crazy.
but it was fun. brian's brother and his family joined us and it was great. the girls had so much fun and even Ian, by the end of the night, was saying "trick or treat" in his cute little 2yo way.
thanks, P&K, for hosting a great night and thank LP for welcoming me back with open arms.
side note and a bit of irony:
so, evidently brian acquired this sweatshirt sometime in the last 2 weeks prior to his passing. it's a very bright yellow and black stripe. the girls and i ventured to walmart and they found this lapel pin:
so needless to say, the costume just came together. it was fun to dress up with my girls and in remembrance of Brian.
we went t or t-ing in Pomona -- in the old historic neighborhood where we used to live and where i grew up having every holiday because my aunt and uncle lived there. i was in the mood for a bit of nostalgia and being with good friends. though the crowds were much larger than i remember them [we're talking like 1,000 people roaming the streets and sidewalks of this great neighborhood, lines of people and kids 20 deep?] crazy.
but it was fun. brian's brother and his family joined us and it was great. the girls had so much fun and even Ian, by the end of the night, was saying "trick or treat" in his cute little 2yo way.
thanks, P&K, for hosting a great night and thank LP for welcoming me back with open arms.
side note and a bit of irony:
Brian worked on a TV pilot back in 2005: Queen B
Thursday, October 29, 2009
the significance of bees
i said i would share this, so i guess now is as good a time as any to do so.
what is the big deal about bees?
on September 23, Brian's mom, dad, two brothers, sister and i went out on a boat from Marina del Rey to spread brian's ashes at sea. though we never talked about our burial arrangements [i guess we thought we were too young?], i knew immediately that this was where Brian's final earthly resting place should be.
so, under deep cover of fog with only about 100 foot visibility, we went out from the marina. when putting Brian's ashes in the ocean, which made a perfect serpentine in the water, Mom and Katie threw sunflowers and carnations into the ocean as well, which perfectly aligned themselves with the visible trail in the water. when our ceremony was complete, the fog suddenly lifted and we were ready to head back in to the docks. at that point, i noticed three bees hovering within the bounds of the boat. after pointing them out ["look! bee -- for Brian!], we watched as one landed on Mom's shirt, right over her heart; one landed on Dad's hand; and one was cruising on the mast. the three bees stayed with us all the way to dock and our captain said that once he got back to the slip, they stayed in the cabin and wouldn't leave [sounds like Brian and his love for the ocean and boats!]
afterward, we had lunch with all the family at The Cheesecake Factory and a singular bee visited our table [we were seated outdoors] and stayed with us most of the time.
since this time, bees have landed on me or been very nearby at significant moments in time: during a sad moment at a venue that we always went to together; selling his vehicle to someone very dear to his heart; picking up and putting away 1644; moving out of our home; playing with our son; our daughters' birthday parties; walking our dog; and others that escape me at this moment. i can say that never before has a bee ever landed on me. now, without fear but with great comfort do i [the girls and his family too] welcome these little creatures that nurture, pollinate and "spread the word" about the goods in the garden 'hood. they are God's way of bringing us comfort in difficult moments and reminding us of the one who is with us only in spirit.
so therein lies the significance of bees.
what is the big deal about bees?
on September 23, Brian's mom, dad, two brothers, sister and i went out on a boat from Marina del Rey to spread brian's ashes at sea. though we never talked about our burial arrangements [i guess we thought we were too young?], i knew immediately that this was where Brian's final earthly resting place should be.
so, under deep cover of fog with only about 100 foot visibility, we went out from the marina. when putting Brian's ashes in the ocean, which made a perfect serpentine in the water, Mom and Katie threw sunflowers and carnations into the ocean as well, which perfectly aligned themselves with the visible trail in the water. when our ceremony was complete, the fog suddenly lifted and we were ready to head back in to the docks. at that point, i noticed three bees hovering within the bounds of the boat. after pointing them out ["look! bee -- for Brian!], we watched as one landed on Mom's shirt, right over her heart; one landed on Dad's hand; and one was cruising on the mast. the three bees stayed with us all the way to dock and our captain said that once he got back to the slip, they stayed in the cabin and wouldn't leave [sounds like Brian and his love for the ocean and boats!]
afterward, we had lunch with all the family at The Cheesecake Factory and a singular bee visited our table [we were seated outdoors] and stayed with us most of the time.
since this time, bees have landed on me or been very nearby at significant moments in time: during a sad moment at a venue that we always went to together; selling his vehicle to someone very dear to his heart; picking up and putting away 1644; moving out of our home; playing with our son; our daughters' birthday parties; walking our dog; and others that escape me at this moment. i can say that never before has a bee ever landed on me. now, without fear but with great comfort do i [the girls and his family too] welcome these little creatures that nurture, pollinate and "spread the word" about the goods in the garden 'hood. they are God's way of bringing us comfort in difficult moments and reminding us of the one who is with us only in spirit.
so therein lies the significance of bees.
Avery's birthday - 28 October 2009
my baby girl is 7... yup, 7! i can't believe it.... seems like not that long ago i was turning around in our kitchen ready to go get a classic b/w film for Brian and i to watch and my water broke. 7 hours later, i had a sweet replica of myself in my arms full of Brian's personality. what a girl. i love her dearly. she has heart, courage, sensitivity, need, want and a heart for Jesus so big that it can't stay within her. it shows.
today, a dear friend threw her the best doggie themed party any little girl could hope for. pin the nose on the dog, a huckleberry hound treasure hunt, a pinata as big as every kid there, dogs on the cake, paws and bones on the windows and tables.... even hot dogs for lunch! most of our homeschool park day friends came and wow... Av had a blast hanging with them and letting the whole day be for her.
after the party we went out to dinner at Islands with the folks and had fish tacos, a birthday tradition for Av. every year, Brian made his special fish tacos just for her because she loves them. i will tell you that these tacos do not hold a candle to Brian's... really, this just seems like a reflection of the fact that he is not here to celebrate with us. it makes my heart so sad and heavy. little things like this seem so much bigger now. he was meticulous as to how the batter tasted and how creamy and flavorful the sauce was and that the right undertones were in the salsa. now, those things are lost. well, maybe not totally lost but just not the same as we carry them out.
admittedly there was and undertone of sadness to the day, especially since Av didn't see any bees -- a symbol of Brian's presence with us. but i saw one. it flew out of the tree toward me, but then the strong winds we were having blew him away. Thank you, God, for that singular bee. like i said before, little things seem so much bigger now in our Life After.
today, a dear friend threw her the best doggie themed party any little girl could hope for. pin the nose on the dog, a huckleberry hound treasure hunt, a pinata as big as every kid there, dogs on the cake, paws and bones on the windows and tables.... even hot dogs for lunch! most of our homeschool park day friends came and wow... Av had a blast hanging with them and letting the whole day be for her.
after the party we went out to dinner at Islands with the folks and had fish tacos, a birthday tradition for Av. every year, Brian made his special fish tacos just for her because she loves them. i will tell you that these tacos do not hold a candle to Brian's... really, this just seems like a reflection of the fact that he is not here to celebrate with us. it makes my heart so sad and heavy. little things like this seem so much bigger now. he was meticulous as to how the batter tasted and how creamy and flavorful the sauce was and that the right undertones were in the salsa. now, those things are lost. well, maybe not totally lost but just not the same as we carry them out.
admittedly there was and undertone of sadness to the day, especially since Av didn't see any bees -- a symbol of Brian's presence with us. but i saw one. it flew out of the tree toward me, but then the strong winds we were having blew him away. Thank you, God, for that singular bee. like i said before, little things seem so much bigger now in our Life After.
Friday, October 23, 2009
yesterday -- Oak Glen
yesterday we ventured to Oak Glen with Brian's younger brother and his family, some other friends meeting us there too. what a fun time.
we took the old colonial tour at Riley's Farm and we - parents included - got to do some fun activities: churn butter; learn etiquette; weave on a loom; dip candles; press cider; play old-fashioned games; and eat caramel apples. the girls loved spending time with their cousins and friends too. afterward we picnicked together and then went to the cafe to enjoy a wonderful apple crumb pie that i purchased from Riley's bakery for us to share... yummmm.
Av was sad today. she said, "Daddy would have liked it here." there were lots of bees around; both she and i felt comforted by that. [i haven't shared the bee story yet, but someday i will. there is great significance in honeybees.] she is on my heart all the time. she stuck close by me today. she is often who i am most concerned about in this Life After.
we took the old colonial tour at Riley's Farm and we - parents included - got to do some fun activities: churn butter; learn etiquette; weave on a loom; dip candles; press cider; play old-fashioned games; and eat caramel apples. the girls loved spending time with their cousins and friends too. afterward we picnicked together and then went to the cafe to enjoy a wonderful apple crumb pie that i purchased from Riley's bakery for us to share... yummmm.
Av was sad today. she said, "Daddy would have liked it here." there were lots of bees around; both she and i felt comforted by that. [i haven't shared the bee story yet, but someday i will. there is great significance in honeybees.] she is on my heart all the time. she stuck close by me today. she is often who i am most concerned about in this Life After.
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