God is good all the time

today was a really good day, especially with Av. this morning she slept until after 9a, a very unusual occurrence. she was really helpful to the adults and her friends all day. she was patient with getting her nails painted -- she let her sister and friend go first! she asked a lot of questions regarding spiritual matters during our devotional time. all of things were really quite amazing to me.

actually, not really because we've been spending time in the Word, especially reading Psalm 91. Av has struggled with anxiety during the night since Brian died. she experiences a lot of fear -- something happening to me, her siblings, her grammy or herself. her daddy & grampy died in the night, so will something else like this happen in the night? Well, the Lord led me to Psalm 91 and i used the word picture of the mother hens at the farm, how they take their broods under their wings and protect them from harm. so it is with us... we are given shelter under the wings of the Almighty and he will protect us from harm. she had such peaceful slumber... praise God! and so far tonight, the same thing has happened... no anxiety!

the two of us also stayed up after the other two had gone to sleep and we talked -- just us. we don't get to do that very often. it was fun and really good for both of us. she is such a tenderhearted little girl. i love her so much. she said that she was a little embarrassed to say it, but that she was the only kid today that didn't have a time out -- the power of the Holy Spirit right there! we also talked about the possibility of me getting married again and she has thought about it quite a bit i guess. she's worried that he won't be nice [right now, he does not even exist!]. but i told her that i have her best interests at heart and i know that God will guide me when the time is right. i also told her that if and when the time comes, she will know in her heart that it is right. freedom in communication -- thank you, Lord!

i am praising God for these precious moments between us. Thank you, God, for being good to us all the time!

guitar memories

i was with brian when he bought his first guitar 18 years ago. guitar center. he needed a left handed guitar. he found one. i think he paid $400 for it on sale. not very many left handed guitars out there. i still have it now.

had to take av to get her pink guitar tuned so she could practice without being discouraged that it sounded terrible. she's actually getting quite good. she is making her daddy so proud right now i am sure.

we went to a local guitar shop. beauties hanging from the ceiling. i never saw any lefties but lots of beautiful works of art [and really expensive guitar cases].

i asked the guy if left-handed guitars could be restrung for a right handed person.
yeah. why?
it was my husband's guitar.
why doesn't he play anymore?
he's deceased.
ooh.

that was awkward.

walking away from that scenario, i could have said it so differently to make everyone a bit more comfortable with it all.

next time.
i don't have to mention him.

but i want to.
i miss him so much.
he had such talent.
such creativity.

sigh.

Music

mck and av both started music lessons.

mck is taking violin. her violin is rented.

av is taking guitar. her guitar is pink. her daddy bought it for her ;)

brian played the guitar.

i can play chopsticks on the piano.

mck has yet to have her first lesson, so we'll see.

av was practicing and with lots of practice [30 minutes/day], she's going to be really good at it.

i am happy to have our home filled with music & the joy and lightness it can bring to oneself.

:)

Avery's birthday - 28 October 2009

my baby girl is 7... yup, 7! i can't believe it.... seems like not that long ago i was turning around in our kitchen ready to go get a classic b/w film for Brian and i to watch and my water broke. 7 hours later, i had a sweet replica of myself in my arms full of Brian's personality. what a girl. i love her dearly. she has heart, courage, sensitivity, need, want and a heart for Jesus so big that it can't stay within her. it shows.

today, a dear friend threw her the best doggie themed party any little girl could hope for. pin the nose on the dog, a huckleberry hound treasure hunt, a pinata as big as every kid there, dogs on the cake, paws and bones on the windows and tables.... even hot dogs for lunch! most of our homeschool park day friends came and wow... Av had a blast hanging with them and letting the whole day be for her.

after the party we went out to dinner at Islands with the folks and had fish tacos, a birthday tradition for Av. every year, Brian made his special fish tacos just for her because she loves them. i will tell you that these tacos do not hold a candle to Brian's... really, this just seems like a reflection of the fact that he is not here to celebrate with us. it makes my heart so sad and heavy. little things like this seem so much bigger now. he was meticulous as to how the batter tasted and how creamy and flavorful the sauce was and that the right undertones were in the salsa. now, those things are lost. well, maybe not totally lost but just not the same as we carry them out.

admittedly there was and undertone of sadness to the day, especially since Av didn't see any bees -- a symbol of Brian's presence with us. but i saw one. it flew out of the tree toward me, but then the strong winds we were having blew him away. Thank you, God, for that singular bee. like i said before, little things seem so much bigger now in our Life After.

yesterday -- Oak Glen

yesterday we ventured to Oak Glen with Brian's younger brother and his family, some other friends meeting us there too. what a fun time.

we took the old colonial tour at Riley's Farm and we - parents included - got to do some fun activities: churn butter; learn etiquette; weave on a loom; dip candles; press cider; play old-fashioned games; and eat caramel apples. the girls loved spending time with their cousins and friends too. afterward we picnicked together and then went to the cafe to enjoy a wonderful apple crumb pie that i purchased from Riley's bakery for us to share... yummmm.

Av was sad today. she said, "Daddy would have liked it here." there were lots of bees around; both she and i felt comforted by that. [i haven't shared the bee story yet, but someday i will. there is great significance in honeybees.] she is on my heart all the time. she stuck close by me today. she is often who i am most concerned about in this Life After.