Tuesday, August 23, 2011


i had dinner tonight with friends and e was talking about a story of the world co-op. sounds so cool. i asked her if she would ask her friends if i could join. the meeting time is perfect and will work out with my work schedule at the farm.... yay! let's see now if her co-op friends say it's okay.

i like this idea because they kids do projects together. i like the idea of projects but not actually doing them because my current living situation does not afford me the space in which to do projects. so this excites me. and as a bonus -- it's God-centered! woohoo!

i am excited about many opportunities like this for this year. let's see how God leads!

Sunday, August 21, 2011

The Help

i took myself to the movies last night and saw this film. incredible.

i laughed.

i cried.

i was inspired.

yes, inspired.

the essential theme of the movie was along these lines:

express yourself to find who you are & be free!

this is where i am. what is my mode of expression? my passion to develop and share so that i may find who i really am with God's help and break free? i feel like i have been in chaos... chains... unable to let go and express all that i am.

but i am working on it though! i am signing up this fall to take a photography class. i am going to learn all i need to know about my camera and photoshop and pursue it. i am praying for God to help me break free from what hinders my creativity with my children and in art and embrace passion and life.

oh, i have a fire inside -- swelling and ready to break through and be unleashed! my heart beats for Christ to come in and free me as a bird out of a cage.

a friend of mine posted this on FB in response to what i wrote to her this evening:

I really believe we just simply become who we are as we set our eyes outside of ourselves onto the HOLY OTHER...God Himself and then He releases that God given DNA which is unique to each of us!! So beautiful...yet so under assault in this cosmic battle we are in!! Like I told you when you were here I have had to contend for so many areas of my heart life... particularly... my hidden art of living in the daily ordinary places!! Meals, mothering, creating atmosphere and kingdom culture in our home!! Not easy but so worth the fight...because He is the one fighting for the feminine heart!!

there is a contention for the feminine heart and we must make every effort to protect it while allowing who God created us to be to come alive and shine bright, glorify Him and His name.

i will be posting some photos soon.

creativity -- come forth!

Thursday, August 18, 2011


driving down the freeway today, i came to a stop -- traffic. i look out the window down to the microscopic emergency lane on the ramp and i see a soft iridescent bulge of an aerodynamic body. this beauty of a specimen lay with eyes closed and as if its body was purposefully laid there. in that moment, it was the complete embodiment of peace.

this pigeon made me smile when i saw it. it made me think of Brian. the peace that envelops him now. this makes me smile. i miss him like crazy but to know that he is at peace so far outweighs the ache in my heart for him.

seeing this today affirms me. today i woke up and got the overwhelming feeling that i was becoming myself.



i am not sure exactly what that means, but i am excited to see how this sensation unfolds over the coming days and weeks.


Thursday, August 4, 2011

God is good all the time

today was a really good day, especially with Av. this morning she slept until after 9a, a very unusual occurrence. she was really helpful to the adults and her friends all day. she was patient with getting her nails painted -- she let her sister and friend go first! she asked a lot of questions regarding spiritual matters during our devotional time. all of things were really quite amazing to me.

actually, not really because we've been spending time in the Word, especially reading Psalm 91. Av has struggled with anxiety during the night since Brian died. she experiences a lot of fear -- something happening to me, her siblings, her grammy or herself. her daddy & grampy died in the night, so will something else like this happen in the night? Well, the Lord led me to Psalm 91 and i used the word picture of the mother hens at the farm, how they take their broods under their wings and protect them from harm. so it is with us... we are given shelter under the wings of the Almighty and he will protect us from harm. she had such peaceful slumber... praise God! and so far tonight, the same thing has happened... no anxiety!

the two of us also stayed up after the other two had gone to sleep and we talked -- just us. we don't get to do that very often. it was fun and really good for both of us. she is such a tenderhearted little girl. i love her so much. she said that she was a little embarrassed to say it, but that she was the only kid today that didn't have a time out -- the power of the Holy Spirit right there! we also talked about the possibility of me getting married again and she has thought about it quite a bit i guess. she's worried that he won't be nice [right now, he does not even exist!]. but i told her that i have her best interests at heart and i know that God will guide me when the time is right. i also told her that if and when the time comes, she will know in her heart that it is right. freedom in communication -- thank you, Lord!

i am praising God for these precious moments between us. Thank you, God, for being good to us all the time!

Wednesday, August 3, 2011

Fun in Fresno

this week i decided to take the kids to see some dear friends of ours up in Fresno. on our 3 week road trip last summer, this was our first stop. we love these friends. it's faith's birthday and she hoped that we would be able to celebrate with her... so here we are! roller skating last night, swimming and a fun pizza place tonight. good food + great friends = good times + memorable moments!

one memorable moment is below: Ian had a blue raspberry slurpee from the all-you-can-drink beverage bar. this made his tongue and his teeth match his blue eyes... WOW!

so far we have been encouraged by this brother and sister in the Lord. have you ever had a friend who brought forth the healing of the Holy Spirit and encouraged the restoration of strength and renewal of hope? such are these friends. i am looking forward to the next few days. we will likely head home on Saturday.