Saturday, May 5, 2012

grief revisited

yesterday, baby Shannon went to be with Jesus. baby Shannon was the daughter of my dear friends who live in the country of Georgia located near Turkey & Azerbaijan. after 13 weeks of fighting for life in the womb and nine days fighting an infection, they released her into the arms of Jesus.

my girls and i prayed and prayed for that little girl, journeying with our friends through prayer, believing that God would deliver this little one safely into the world and bring her into fullness of life. that was not the case. needless to say, this news saddened my kids and i very much.

when i found out the news that Shannon was in the arms of Jesus, i was ironically watching one of our ewes at the farm giving birth to a sweet little lamb. black with 2 little white spots on his nose -- we call him "starry night".... "night" for short. LIFE coming into the farmyard. then watching this little guy try to walk on spindly legs, even rolling over a couple of times because he could barely stand. [this remind me of "hold my heart" by 10th Avenue North]

this news has rocked me. i am walking around in a fog. i can't remember things or keep my thoughts together in one place -- they run all over. i am exhausted. basically, i feel like i did two and a half years ago. the only way i can explain it is that because of Brian's passing, when death occurs around me -- especially to someone so close & whom i love so much -- the feelings come rushing back and my response is intensified. obviously death happens around us all the time, but when it isn't happening within our close circle of relationships, the effect is lessened. yes, it is sad and a part of life but it's different than when it's happening so close to you.

my response is different. i am so grieved by this child's death. my head is spinning.

my children are questioning... why would there be such certainty & specifics given by God to her parents about her only to let her slip away to become a beautiful star in the heavens? why does God let babies die? these are a few of the many questions that swirl. to them, God took her away to heaven. he took their Daddy, too. baby Shannon's death is taking all of us back to those places we thought we had walked away from or grown out of. evidently not...there are things we all need to revisit and deal with in our own way.

if you have taken the time to read this, would you please pray for my friends -- the parents of baby Shannon -- as well as me & my children? we are all on a grief journey... some at the beginning & others a little further along. please pray for traveling mercies.