With love

my time of reflection this weekend began with this. my time of active reflection lasted for over an hour. memories, good and bad. tears. one story at a time.

exhausted.

will catch up on other blog posts later. :)

guitar memories

i was with brian when he bought his first guitar 18 years ago. guitar center. he needed a left handed guitar. he found one. i think he paid $400 for it on sale. not very many left handed guitars out there. i still have it now.

had to take av to get her pink guitar tuned so she could practice without being discouraged that it sounded terrible. she's actually getting quite good. she is making her daddy so proud right now i am sure.

we went to a local guitar shop. beauties hanging from the ceiling. i never saw any lefties but lots of beautiful works of art [and really expensive guitar cases].

i asked the guy if left-handed guitars could be restrung for a right handed person.
yeah. why?
it was my husband's guitar.
why doesn't he play anymore?
he's deceased.
ooh.

that was awkward.

walking away from that scenario, i could have said it so differently to make everyone a bit more comfortable with it all.

next time.
i don't have to mention him.

but i want to.
i miss him so much.
he had such talent.
such creativity.

sigh.

Solitude

Do you see the face in this picture? Two wide eyes and a smile... well, i must tell you that right now, i am sitting in my friend's home, completely ALONE, well rested and at peace. It has been a long time since being alone with nothing to do but BE. I cannot even express to you how my heart feels about this. It's good!

Let's put it this way:
I woke up this morning to the singing of a bird. One of God's many alarm clocks to awaken one to every day He has made. Within a half hour or so, I could hear the singing of about 6 different birds and even a cricket. All singing praises to their Creator and letting the world know. I actually joined in to this chorus by singing this famous song:



i love it! This weekend is exactly what I have needed.
Time alone by myself and my Jesus.

Music

mck and av both started music lessons.

mck is taking violin. her violin is rented.

av is taking guitar. her guitar is pink. her daddy bought it for her ;)

brian played the guitar.

i can play chopsticks on the piano.

mck has yet to have her first lesson, so we'll see.

av was practicing and with lots of practice [30 minutes/day], she's going to be really good at it.

i am happy to have our home filled with music & the joy and lightness it can bring to oneself.

:)

sweetness

ian said to me today, "mommy, you're so strong."

wow.

a statement like that coming from my baby about me. i was surprised. one usually hears that being said about dad. the physical side of strength anyway.

i have heard this from others, though. about my being 'one of the strongest women i know,' and statements to that effect. i don't know... i just am who i am and i do what i do.

that reminds me of ian's version of 'twinkle twinkle little star':

"twinkle, twinkle, little star, how i wonder what i do...."

sweet.

brennan manning

i have been drawn to this man and his story. he gives a true testimony of how we should respond to our God... we need to let him love us and consider ourselves worthy of his love because we are his children...

my new prayer

today, i spontaneously loaded us into the car and we headed out to the farm to volunteer. we made it just in time to catch farmer randy as he was preparing for Bible time. afterward, we were set to task to plant peas. let me tell you, planting those peas was anything but peas-ful! ian was being stubborn, av was whining and mck was being mom and a bit lazy. oh, how i had high hopes for this day! peace...serenity...clear-mindedness -- none of it.

i was completely down-spirited when we left and for most of the day. so, when i finally identified why i was sad, do you know what i did? i told them! "i am really sad right now. do you know why?" collective "ummm, no." "because you fought 75% of the time we were there. you turned a time that could have been peaceful into something completely unenjoyable."

so, tonight the girls and i watched "inherit the land." basically a bunch of homeschooling families across the US living out the agrarian lifestyle -- farming! -- in many different ways. from 3,000 acres down to a simple backyard.

after watching these families, i have discovered a new prayer for my children:

that they be a team, working together for the glory of God!

how simple yet so profound!

i must confess that another reason i was saddened is because i would really like to be nearer the farm and have our own place. oh, i am so grateful to have a roof over our heads and minimal financial responsibility as far as housing goes, but there is something to be said about one's own space. and it is also difficult when i look at others carrying out their dreams and mine fell short with the one I love. but, i see that i must stop feeling sorry and press on.

press on.