God has been pointing out my disobedience.

continued stories at church, from people around me - even my own 4yo son - about the Israelites traveling in the desert, wandering for 40 years because of their disobedience & complaining. the "promised land" -- whatever that is for me -- is so close, if i would only obey.

even last night in my Bible reading before bed, God brought to mind Psalm 51. this was one of Brian's favorite psalms. i read it, and reread it, paying attention to every word. it speaks of having a contrite spirit and restoration of spirit and promise; reconciliation must be made & obedience must take place.

i have prayed for time to myself this week & God has graciously been able to give it me through various means. but what have i done? frittered away the time because of FEAR.

last night, i dreamt that i went to Indo to visit dear friends. while i was there, i looked across the room and saw the largest, most vile & scary cobra-like snake slither into the room i was in. it disappeared into the darkness & hid. i have never been so afraid... i was paralyzed.

and this is me now. the task before me is this scary snake & all i can do is be frozen and paralyzed by the fear it evokes within me.

that's it... REVELATION... Christ needs to slay the dragon of FEAR [and i need to let him by calling on HIM] so that i can proceed & find that "promised land"...

chances are, if i let Christ into the dark places -- turn the light on in the room where the snake is -- the great FEAR will merely resemble a timid lizard.

oh my.

now i must do it!