miracle worker

went to see miracle worker at APU last night with K & J for J's birthday. what a fantastic production.... outstanding performances. i had never read anything about helen keller or anne sullivan, just heard about it. i am sure this is a travesty to my fellow English teaching mates but... i am sure there are things that they haven't read either. anyway, i was amazed by the performances... so good. i cried many times throughout the play. some of the family's struggles are my struggles. i can relate.

i've been remembering B lately when we ministered together. some of the Farm folks headed up to the monastery in valyermo. had no idea about it so looked it up on the net. poking around the website, i came across the Lectio Divina tab. reading it, my heart began to long for the days of sitting around with friends, reading scripture and sharing our personal insights given to us by the Holy Spirit. days in pomona and venice of “Listen…attend with the ear of your heart” in regards to scripture.

the other day, i had a meeting at work and K suggested i read Isaiah 58. i looked it up via the internet on my phone instead of using my Bible because it was late at night and the boy was sleeping. talk about going in a back door and being caught unaware. had i read it in my Bible, i would have recognized it right away, but i think God wanted me to read it instead of running away... in B's last weeks, i read this scripture to him over and over and over again. my heart is torn, broken. O DEAR GOD, WHY COULDN'T YOU, IN YOUR MERCY AND DIVINE POWER, HAVE SAVED HIM AND PROVOKED OBEDIENCE WITHIN HIM? i realize his death was likely a merciful 'saving' act, but i want HIM back and what was before the end! but since i can't have him back or what was before the end, fill my heart up with your love and peace and restore me! show me where you want me. give me the strength to look ahead, though all i see is... little or nothing at all. help me to acknowledge you in EVERY moment of EVERY day. give me peace. calm the unrest. i surrender. "here i am down on my knees again, trying to find air to breathe again. and only surrender will help me now. i love you... please help me to see and believe again."

be my miracle worker.