September 9th looms in the distance. like a series of clouds full of lightning and storm, so are these next few days before the anniversary of your death. i play like a movie in my head the moments, minutes, conversations, looks, fears, hugs, kisses, laughs, tears. the moment i heard the news you were dead... all of it.
today in church, 2 songs were sung for worship -- "hungry" and "breathe" -- that i listened to constantly during those tough times we had. why today? those songs are ancient history in the timeline of worship in the church. so, why? **sigh**
if you are reading this -- please, please, please remember us all in your prayers. Brian's parents and siblings are struggling. the kids and I are struggling. pray that our great God sends down his Holy Spirit like a flood, that all of us would be unable to deny His presence and existence, along with the assurance that Brian is in heaven resting in the arms of Jesus, communing with the saints.
my heart is hurting. my mind is mush. it is completely and unbelievably overwhelming to think that in a few days i will have been a widow for one year.
please pray.
I'm praying for you! God will never leave you or forsake you. Oh how hard it is, when we don't feel Him there at our side...
ReplyDeleteI have given a link to your blog to a friend of mine who has gone through some of the same things as you...she may come over to your blog.
Although we don't know how everything works in eternity...we do know that you and Brian are both simultaneously (right now) under the care of the Creator. You are both in his arms. (One in each arm)
Romans 8:38 For I am convinced that neither death nor life, neither angels nor demons, neither the present nor the future.....will be able to separate us from the love of God that is in Christ Jesus our Lord.
Think and say these words often...
I remember that dreaded one year date after my own husband died very well. He had just turned twenty-eight when the Lord suddenly took him home to Heaven. My son was a year and nine months on that first year date and my parents took us to the zoo. It was a bit of a distraction to watch my little son enjoy all the animals, even if we watched him through our tears.
ReplyDeleteI remember the first Mother's Day being extremely difficult for me. I just cried and cried. The reason for me being a mother was gone and I felt lost.
It has been many years for me (since 6-30-92) and the Lord has been my help and strength. My little boy just left for his first year in college! The Lord will be your help and strength too as you continue to trust Him, even when this life doesn't make sense, Jesus does. The Lord knows all and I have found that He will give us peace that passes all understanding through Christ Jesus our Lord. (Phil. 4:6-8)
I am upholding you and your family in my prayers.
Your sister and friend in Christ,
Susan
(I am a blog friend of Sharon at California Breeze)
www.shareyourgrief.blogspot.com
www.susanskitt.com