I lie here awake unable to sleep. I am thinking about Brian and the times we spent here in Weed, CA, together. Such strong incredible good memories here in this place. I am so blessed to be here, to retrace steps and to also feel so close to God here in the surroundings of trees, streams rushing and big bold blue skies overhead with the occasional cloud or two dotting the sky.
My heart longs for Brian to be here with me, to talk about ministry and just be here to play with the kids. That's where their memories lie. The last time we were here with him there was 6 feet of snow on the ground and it was a massive playground and they played together, built snow houses and sledded and snowboarded to their hearts' content. I love listening to McK describe her time with him and the smile that comes over her face when she talks about it.
A toothbrush, a book he embraced and became passionate about, a coin, a message on a phone... all things left here by him. Almost 10 months ago and within reach, feeling like it was only days ago. He was the favorite... the one everyone loved, full of charisma, but yet so much hurt and pain. DID YOU EVEN KNOW? Tears being shed and a feeling of longing for him to come back to us so deep and intense.
Blessed beyond words... that's me here in this place.
I need to sleep and rest now. I feel myself in the arms of Christ. Deep rest and peace.
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