Easter Sunday

i find that Holy Week is draining; no matter how many times i have lived through it, my anxiety about his crucifixion is undiminished -- i am terrified that, this year, it won’t happen; that, that year, it didn’t. anyone can be sentimental about the Nativity; any fool can feel like a Christian at Christmas. but Easter is the main event; if you don’t believe in the resurrection, you’re not a believer.

"if you don't believe in Easter," owen meany said, "don't kid yourself -- don't call yourself a Christian."

john irving, a prayer for owen meany, pp 250-251

this above quote comes from one of Brian's all-time favorite books. i can remember him laying in bed at night reading this book and just breaking out in unadulterated laughter. he would try to describe to me what was happening but it just wasn't the same as reading it for myself. and i never did. we never laughed about the incidences in the book together because i just hadn't read it -- experienced it -- for myself.

i kind of feel that way about Easter in prior years. this year, Easter takes on a whole new meaning for me and for Brian. before Brian's death, Easter was only a symbol of the fact that Jesus was my salvation. i don't think the reality of it had truly taken hold in my heart. yes, i believed. but did i live under the truth of it?

and for Brian, he is now living out his relationship with Jesus, his salvation, in a real way... he is with Him, celebrating new life.

this Easter day, i believe i am living under the truth of Christ's act and God's miracle because it is my umbrella of hope for my salvation from sin and certainty that i WILL be with Brian again some day in a heavenly place, free from all the pain and hardships of this world. my heart is holding on to it. Jesus conquering the grave is so profound, i fear i am unable to fully describe the intensity of feelings i have experienced today. Easter has become my new favorite holiday because of my life circumstances now. i believe it and i want my life to show it. i pray that all people will come to this realization and that God will make himself known to all...

...and he is, even today! a 7.2 magnitude quake hit Mexicali today. we felt it all the way up here! wake up world! Jesus has risen, conquered the grave and WILL return some day... SOON!

what a wonderful comfort knowing my Jesus can make the earth tremble, move mountains, calm seas and rise again... all for me [and for YOU!].

i pray that all will come into relationship with Him... he is our hope and salvation. and He is the One who has gotten me through the past 7 months and will continue to help me in the coming days, weeks, months, years... until he takes me home.

Happy Easter everyone!