smile

i miss my love's smile and his funny idiosyncrasies.

tonight at dinner i could hardly stand it. ian did "cheers" with his cup and the memory came rushing in. and i didn't stop it. i let the tears roll at the dinner table and everyone was clearly uncomfortable. but what i felt was natural, normal and real. it's healthy to allow myself to feel. so i did. the strangest and most unrelated things happen and a completely unrelated memory will occur.

at this point, i need to acknowledge a book i have been reading that a dear friend, who also lost her husband, gave to me. it's called The Grief Recovery Handbook by John W. James and Russell Friedman. amazing. i highly recommend it. what a tremendous help it has been to me in helping me to be more comfortable in the Life After.

i am tired today. trying to help my folks create "space" for us takes a lot of effort and energy. tomorrow we are taking a break from it all and heading to the beach. more on that tomorrow...