Day Train trip to Oceanside

We headed to Oceanside for the day from Fullerton. While waiting for the train, the kids and I remembered the train trip we took with Brian to Santa Barbara. We hear the song on the radio...Phil Collins "against all odds"; then Avery starts to sing "burnin' ring of fire" by Johnny Cash -- I didn't even know she knew that song! Within 5 minutes, a bee lands on Ian... No kidding!
So I guess we are on a blessed trip ;)

So we made it to Oceanside safely. Here's us on the very long pier :)

And this is what we saw... so beautiful!

And the kids wanted to take a picture with this little friend... i thought for sure he would snatch up a cell phone what with all those people getting so close to him to take a picture. Glad it wasn't me!

And we made some new friends on this trip and hung out with them most of the day. We had lunch at Ruby's on the pier and played at the beach for awhile, too. Hopefully we'll get to hang out with them again soon!

After playing at the beach, we met up with some local San Diegans.. our friends who adopted Charlie, remember him?! They came out and went to the CA Surf Museum and had ice cream with us at the local DQ.

What a fun day! And the ride home wasn't stressful at all.
Thanks, God, for the blessings!

By the way, it's the 25th anniversary of the movie "Top Gun," one of my faves as a kid. We got to see the "Top Gun" house... so cool!

Mini Road Trip 2011--Zion NP, Utah

my 2nd mother's day

just heard the song "i can't live (if living is without you)" by air supply. classic 70's song but never listened to the lyrics before. tears were rolling.

it's my 2nd mother's day without him. i'm functioning. emotions are raw.

i had a decent day but trying to do what i want to do on a day that's for me is virtually impossible when my kids are present. of course they aren't behaving, running around like crazy natives and saying every 5 minutes, "i want to go home."

it's days like today that make me so angry he died. why? because there's no one to share the burden of raising 3 great kids that stress me out sometimes. when my patience is wearing thin, there's no one to step in and say, "give your mom a break." and because my mom and i live in the same house and it's her day, too.... well, it's just -- hard.

i give these feelings over to Jesus right now. restore my heart to love and patience. help me to carry on to the best i can be for those three little hearts entrusted to me. Amen.

to any mom who's reading this, Happy Mother's Day. whether dad is involved or not, you are an amazing mom able to do more than you think because God made you who you are and gave you your children and your circumstances for a reason. i pray God's blessings over you and your family.

Happy Mother's Day.

peek-a-boo

i tucked my feelings away without realizing it and they peeked out today while listening to a CD in the car. i don't like it when they sneek up on me like that. i like to be prepared. the girls didn't notice, but i could hardly see the road as my eyes welled up with tears.

last week, we went camping at el capitan. a beautiful beachside campground on the bluffs. i was sitting down on the sand, watching the kids play, especially ian. he's an artist like his daddy, you know. i looked out to the water and began to think of brian. i heard his laugh. sounds crazy, i know. but i audibly heard his laugh. signature. beautiful. that one snuck up on me too.

will i ever stop missing him?

the sunshine behind the clouds

i was talking with a friend tonight. she shared with me that she lost a daughter in infancy. that moment changed her life forever. she said it was the worst thing that ever happened to her, but yet the best thing that ever happened to her. that event helped her define her life -- either she needed to lay down and die or she needed to step up and live. obviously, she chose to step up and live... live her best life. take no moment for granted. live the life she had always wanted.

how similar a life i am living. the further away i get from 09/09/09, the stronger i feel i am becoming, especially in the realization that this is my life now. the kids and me. i hope that someday i can say that Brian's death was the worst thing that happened to me and the best thing that happened to me. as for the best, i have no idea what that could possibly be. i just know i want to serve Jesus with every ounce of my being and pray that one day i can hopefully see how that event may have been the best thing. i pray that God will show me the sunshine behind the clouds...

friends of blessing

so ian and i went to get the girls from our friends today. we spent the evening at disneyland with them, hanging out, riding rides and just enjoying being together. what a fabulous time with a fantastic family. i love those nicholsons!

last night i was recounting with my mom how i met them and realize that God really had his hand upon us to meet. their presence in my life [and Brian's] has been a complete blessing.

thank you, Jesus, for watching over me and allowing me to see and know divine appointments.

what a day. i'm pooped. heading off to bed now.

word of the day

SPONTANEITY (a very good thing!)

mck had a dental appt on the westside and our dear friends were down from fresno. they headed out with us to marina del rey and we spent the day with our friends having lunch, riding scooters, talking, playing, and having a most wonderful time.

while at burton chace park [a place that is filled with memories for our family with Brian, also the harbor there his burial place], ian found such pleasure in running up and down the hill. oh, how i love that little boy! he kept asking, "mommy, can i do it again?" over and over, up and down. and wouldn't you know, a bee was 'playing' right in front of me, hiding in the grass as he was running. Brian is with us. he is watching. i wish he were physically here and that ian would know him, but i guess ian will know his daddy through me and the rest of the family, the stories we tell.

so how was i spontaneous? i let my girls go with our fresno friends to sleep over in their hotel room and then off to disneyland tomorrow. what a blessing my friend and this sleepover has been. i needed the break and didn't even know it. God is so good... he knows exactly what i need and when!